Wish I was happy about the holiday

But honestly I'm too bad of a mood. I invited the boy over for dinner last night and he didn't show up until nearly 8:30. Apparently he had gotten a call from a lady at the company he was hoping to work for and it didn't go well. The whole call was weird. Usually you don't talk salary on the first call. Usually you don't do an interview on the first call. But she called him while he was at happy hour and it happened. Well, I see now he was pretty distraught about it. Me, I guess I'm not just like that. I'm resilient. If something gets in the way of what I want I'm immediately planning an alternate strategy. Plus the whole description of the phone call was very "this is so fucking unprofessional it cannot even be serious". So now he thinks his shot at that company is completely done. I guess I just didn't see it that way. So when he showed up late, drunk, and more eager to talk over me to my brother and roommate than to talk to me I got a little ticked. Which culminated in about the biggest fight I've ever had with another person. I'm non-confrontational. I go with the flow. I ebb, bob, and flex to meet the situation. I'm not used to this shit. I'm embarrassed – I'm pretty sure it made the boys pretty uncomfortable and half the neighborhood when I made him go outside to smoke. I'm not good at reading people. I can't tell what people are feeling, hell, half the time I don't even know what I'm feeling. That's just the way I'm built I guess. The only emotion I'm adept at displaying is annoyance. Go with the flow people are rarely passionate people.

My coworker is listening to Christmas music in the next cube. Celine Dion can suck it.

See, there it is – annoyance!

Anyway, he was pretty much just drunk mad about the phone call and was taking it out on me, but some things popped up that I wasn't happy about. Mainly, my shortcomings. Including the fact that I feel fat, unattractive, insecure, and not the least bit sexy. I'm not just saying that so someone will counter me, that's just how I've been feeling lately. I've gained 50 pounds since college and my face is breaking out even though I'm in my 30's. If you spent 9 hours a day in your favorite pants that are really too tight, you'd be cranky too.

Anyway, he calmed down and I thought we made up but then after going to bed he flared up again and insisted on driving home. I protested as much as possible (because I do care, as much as he thinks to the contrary) but at the end of the day you can only do so much, and he ended up driving home. I sent a text asking him to make sure he let me know he got home ok and he did.

The funny thing is, before he left he proclaimed "as far as I'm concerned, we're done". Then he came over and kissed me on the forehead before he left. I'm not sure what that means. Right now I'm waiting for an apology, quite frankly. I know I have my issues but he did take his anger over the phone call out on me, and I don't really think I deserved that. I don't know where we're going to go from here though. Thankfully I already decided to take a half day today so I get to leave here soon. And try to make it up to the roomies for that embarrassing display. Oh, that's another thing, I do NOT do well with embarrassment. We'll see how this goes.

The Great Freezer Clearing

I went to the grocery store last night and picked up a few things for dinners this week, as per norm. I also got a couple of other things to have on and for last minute meals. You know, the ones where you find yourself at work and realize that you didn't plan anything for dinner and everything's frozen and what am I gonna make? I just bought some pasta sauce and rolls I can pop in the freezer and now realize I've done it to myself again because I failed to pick up any pasta. DAMNIT. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be at Target somewhere before we have to eat that meal and I can pick some up then.

Anyway I digress. So I bought some rolls and of course, ice cream because I bought half a peck of apples at Pipkin's last week and I thought some caramel apple cobbler was just the ticket. Anyway, I went to put the ice cream and rolls in the freezer and was just about greeted with an avalanche! Seriously, I did find a spot for my ice cream and rolls (THANK GOD!) but something needs to be done in there stat.

So the goal of this is to have to freezer just about cleared out by Jan 1^st. There's piles of meat in there, a ton of frozen veggies, and a smattering of convenience foods. From now on through the end of the year, every home cooked meal will incorporate at least one item from the freezer, and no adding new items to the freezer. It's on. Maybe I'll post later in the week with some pics of the freezer and an inventory so I can keep track of how we're doing.

By the way, for dinner last night we had burgers topped with red onion, tomato, soft goat cheese and raspberry chipotle sauce. Yes it was delicious. No it didn't include anything from the freezer. We also had salad with pecans, craisins, blue cheese, red onion, and a blue cheese walnut balsamic vinaigrette. I'm merely writing this down so I remember that I want to eat it again.

I've finished the ribbing on my Audry in Unst cardigan (yay!) and it was seriously 4" of twisted rib which pretty much made me want to tear my hair out. I timed myself, it took 20 minutes to do two rows in the twisted rib, so we're talking 6 hours just on the ribbing so far.

I've also go a pic in progress on my socks! You'll notice this socks is backwards from the other sock I posted. That's because it's the second sock! True story, the second I had the first off the needles (and on my foot) I had cast on for the second. Maybe I've over the second-sockitis? Let's hope!